The engagement is a suitable time to prepare the wedding …

As marriage is a divine institution, the Lord has taken care to frame it by certain standards in order to prevent his children from falling into sin. Thus, marriage begins with an engagement that is defined as an appropriate period for preparing the marriage both spiritually and materially. But these days, there is so much disorder in churches that the foundations of the engagement have been shaken.

What deviations and practices are observed at the engagement level?

What are the requirements for talking about an engagement according to God?

How’s the engagement going?

I. Deviations in engagement 

  • The gifts between brothers and sisters: instead of seeking the specific will of God, some Christians proceed with gifts and present to attract the attention of the one they covet, hoping to win the heart of the concerned. But the Bible declares that the presentcorrupt the hearts (Exodus 23:8; Ecclesiaste 7: 7).
  •  The many visits: through many visits, some Christians create emotional bonds that unfortunately lead to engagement and marriage. This is contrary to the Bible.
  • Compliments and influences: some Christians give inappropriate or obscene compliments to the people they covet in order to awaken their love. They thus use influence to bring their marriage project to fruition; following the example of some of the leaders who hide behind the framing of souls and who eventually conquer them for the engagement.
  • Sending letters of love declaration: this letter is filed with the pastor who is responsible for contacting the designated person to announce the declaration of love of the Christian who sent the letter. There is no prayer here or a search for God’s will. Rather, it is an expression of a purely carnal desire.
  • The « doctrine of birds of the same plumage »: this anti-biblical teaching stipulates that future brides and grooms must have the same social status in order to marry, as this would be a guarantee of stability for their home. The proponents of this doctrine reject the search for the specific will of God that can unite a rich and a poor, an intellectual and an illiterate, people of different ethnicities or races (Acts 10:34 , Colossians 3:11). 
  • The ‘branches’ in the churches: some pastors take on the responsibility of uniting brothers and sisters according to their suitability. They thus destroy the Lord’s flock through these unnatural covenants and covenants of interest, far from God’s will. They claim that marriage can take place and that the faithful do not need to pray as long as they are Christians. This is totally false because in all things, the Christian must always seek the specific will of God. 
  • The sentiments put forward: many Christians believe that already loving another Christian is more than enough to engage in engagement, and later marriage. However, this love put forward is generally carnal and does not rest on a solid foundation, a word of God. This is purely anti-biblical because everything that is not built on the rock Jesus will destroy itself when the storm comes (Matthew 7:24-27).

Ii. How to get engaged according to God

  • Search for God’s specific will: the Christian must pray and ask the Lord to guide him because it is the Lord who directs him and knows what is good for him (Jeremiah 10:23). He must wait until the Lord tells him the one He has reserved for him. It is true that the Christian must marry in the Lord (1 Corinthians 7:39) but he must clearly receive God’s choice before committing himself. The choice of the spouse is therefore not up to the Christian but to God who is his father. This choice is made far from the eyes and carnal criteria of the Christian; like Abraham, who chose a wife for his son Isaac, without his intervention. The sister who wishes to marry as well as the man must pray until a word of God is obtained. However, it is not permissible for him to talk to the other in any way.  He/she must wait for the other to receive the same word from the Lord. It is really in this that we see whether it is really the Lord who has spoken. The search for God’s specific will must be done in prayer and sanctification. It is also necessary to test the dreams and other words received in order not to be deceived by the enemy as Gideon did in Judges 6.  N.B: dreams arise from the multitude of occupations (Ecclesiastes: 5:3) and also from the devil hence the need to experience them through other words or signs of the Lord.
  • Spiritual and physical maturity: To become engaged, the Christian must be mature spiritually and physically. Spiritual maturity is about the transformation of one’s life, that is, like Jesus. The suitor of marriage must be strengthened in the faith because marriage is a great responsibility since the spouses must manage a local church which is in this case their future home. As for physical maturity, it relates to age since children do not have to get engaged, much less get married (Genesis 2:24) because they cannot leave their parents at the moment.
  • Be financially independent: before engaging in engagement, the Christian should not be dependent on his parents or the church but he must have a source of income that allows him to take care of himself and is likely to take care of a home because he or she the Bible recommends taking care of your belongings before building your home (Proverbs 24:27). 
  • To be supervised by spiritual leaders: the Christian who wishes to become engaged must be helped by spiritual leaders who will give him advice according to the word of God and support him in prayer. All this will help him avoid the devil’s traps on the way to marriage. He must explain to them the revelations he receives in prayer about his engagement so that these leaders can verify them and better help him find the Lord’s specific will.

Iii. The practice of engagement

Engagement between a brother and sister is only effective when the local church officials or council validates them. Before this validation, future brides and grooms should not date as fiancés. 

But having been declared engaged now, they must show sobriety and holiness in their walk (Hebrews 12:14) and privilege all that is spiritual so as not to fall into temptation. Engaged stowed sintos who are not yet married should avoid impudence (1 Cor 6:18) and any carnal contact that may lead to sin (Ephesians 5:3). They must be preparing to enter their future home in prayer for the duration of their engagement. All the while, the sister is not dependent on the brother and vice versa.  Everyone must prepare for marriage within their means, while relying on the Lord.

NB: fiancés must not live married even after dowry because it is only after respecting all the authorities that they are called to live together (see Christian marriage).